OLD BELIEFS
walter, david
In the Renaissance, some European doctors believed that masturbation caused a condition known as "desiccation," which, according to them, dried out the body by depleting its vital fluids. To counteract this, they recommended baths in milk or warm wine to restore the body's moisture, and some even prescribed a diet rich in juicy fruits to make up for the supposed loss of fluids.
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I don’t think I was ready for this.
EMPEROR TIBERIUSsmm, vicos, walter, david
In Ancient Rome, Emperor Tiberius (14–37 AD) was infamous for his sexual excesses, but there’s a particularly curious detail related to masturbation. According to the historian Suetonius, Tiberius had a secret villa in Capri where he organized all kinds of sexual activities. It is also said that he kept a group of young attendants whose sole purpose was to masturbate him while he watched naked women and couples having sex.
It is believed that this was an attempt to maximize pleasure without expending too much energy, showing that masturbation was not only common but, in certain elite circles, refined to the level of an almost ritualistic art.
Although Suetonius’ accounts may be exaggerated and prone to sensationalism, they highlight how, in some periods, masturbation was not seen as taboo but rather as an accepted practice within society.
If Tiberius were alive today, he’d probably have a premium subscription to every adult content platform.
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Twerking
THE ADVICE OF MARCUS AURELIUSdavid, vikingo
Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, has become the unexpected idol of modern success gurus. If you follow those influencers who sell self-help books, you’ve probably seen his quotes everywhere, as if they were the ultimate code to becoming rich, invincible, and emotionally unshakable. “Control your thoughts,” “the obstacle is the way,” “don’t worry about what you can’t change”… Basically, if Marcus Aurelius were alive today, he’d have his own podcast and be selling courses on "practical Stoicism for entrepreneurs."
Now, the reality is that Marcus Aurelius was a seriously busy guy—wars, plagues, betrayals, and the entire weight of the Roman Empire on his shoulders. In his famous Meditations, which were really more of a personal diary he never expected anyone to read, he focused on ideas like self-discipline, virtue, and detachment from unnecessary pleasures. He didn’t directly mention masturbation, but he did talk about the importance of not being ruled by bodily impulses. So, it’s safe to say he probably had a few internal monologues when he felt like taking a moment for himself.
But here’s the interesting part: today we know that masturbation is an excellent tool for relieving stress, improving focus, and even getting better sleep. So, if Marcus Aurelius had taken a little break from war to unwind, he might have fought with fewer worries. In fact, if he managed to keep the Roman Empire standing without masturbating, imagine what he could’ve achieved if he had. He might have discovered America, walked on the Moon, and even invented the internet.
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Which one of them had a better time?
She’s Emily Willis, and you can find many more of her scenes
at this link